Facing Fear

fear

This year’s theme for me is “Facing My Fears.” It has been weighing on me that I turn fifty in December. I have been going over in my head where my life has gone and where it is currently headed. One question that I ask myself is what will I regret? Right now, I regret not taking my social work licensure exam sooner (like seven years ago, when I first graduated with my MSW degree and all the information was fresh in my head). I let fear hold me back. Well, on October 15th, I will be taking the exam!

Another regret that I am facing at the moment is not working in the profession that I love, which is mental health social work. As most of you know, I have been on disability for major depressive disorder since 1998. I have done well for several years now with a good support system, therapy, and medication.

Well, on Monday, I interviewed for a full-time mental health case manager position. I have not worked full-time since I became disabled. I have feared the “what if’s” (what if I fail and I lose my disability). At the time I became disabled, I was working at a job that I enjoyed. Yes, it was highly stressful but I was in a profession that I loved. I was devastated when I realized that my illness had rendered me unable to do my job. No, the job is not what made me sick. I had struggled with depression for most of my life  but I was in a stressful marriage and there were huge stressors within my family at the time that I was putting myself in the middle of.

Foward to today, eighteen years later, I have obtained a Master’s degree in my profession and have worked a few part-time jobs. I am in a more supportive and encouraging marriage. For years, I have set up strict boundaries between me and my family. I am in a much better mental place. I feel it is time to take the next step and try working full-time in the profession that I love. Instead of “what if I fail,” I need to ask “what if I do well”? I know that I will feel more fulfilled and contributing to helping others on their journey toward recovery. This is what I must focus on.

What do you fear? Have you been holding yourself back from doing something you fear you will regret? What has helped you face your fears?

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Facing Fear

  1. Congratulations on your accomplishment! All things happen at the right time. Now is obviously the time you are meant to go forth and dive into social work. Your life experience will no doubt enable you to help others.

    Liked by 1 person

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