I’ll make this as brief as possible. Feel free to comment or ask questions. I was born and raised in Kentucky with my maternal grandmother being the most important person in my world. There was mental abuse and some physical abuse in my home growing up which still haunts my dreams.
We were a family that moved around and changed schools a lot due my mom’s desire to move. Dad continued to have the same job all of those years. Being in a minority religion that didn’t celebrate the holidays made changing to a new school even more difficult to deal with.
I lost my virginity to rape by a stranger at a party. After this happened to me I began to party more and experiment with drugs. It took me twenty years to actually admit that it happened and talk about it.
I married my first husband in 1993. He began putting me down from the very beginning. I was never enough and couldn’t do things right. I felt he loved me and was so grateful because he continued to stay with me after I was diagnosed and became disabled due to Major Depression. My guess is he just stayed because he was afraid to look bad and to be alone. I worshipped the ground he walked on…sadly.
In 2013, he had an affair with a 23 year old so-called friend of mine. I’d helped her find a therapist, a gynecologist, was a referral for a job and to graduate school, helped her weather several mental health crises, and even welcomed her into our home because she had nowhere else to go.
Her gratitude was to manipulate, lie, and connive her way into my marriage. She knew my husband and I struggled and she used it to her advantage and under my nose. On the night I told her to leave, she and the husband were drunk and verbally attacking me. At one point, she tried to physically attack me.
When I found out about the affair and my marriage ended, I felt like my life was over, BUT…it wasn’t. I found support where I didn’t know I had it. Others were there to encourage me and lift me up when I was too weak to do so.
I have come to feel grateful for the loss of my exhusband and so-called friend. It was difficult to realize it then but I see it now. In October 2014, I married a college sweetheart and became a stepmother. Their unconditional love and family is what I’ve always longed for. I also learned to love and accept myself.
I am a firm believer in positive affirmations, being young at heart, and even therapy. Do whatever it takes to make your life more positive and have faith in yourself. I hope my blog helps others through darkness and is an encouraging safehaven for everyone who visits.